Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year

I have family here. My parents and my nephew are spending the New Years with us and it's nice to have the company!! We've spent the evening playing Wii, baking cookies, trying on clothes and all the other miniscule family things that need to be taken care of every night.

It's a surreal ending to a difficult year. Will 2011 be better? Yep!! Why? Because I plan to make it better. I intend to move forward into this year with a plan to dance into freedom, not push into it, or strive into it or even walk into it, but to dance into it! Dancing implies joy, peace, grace and this is my year to embrace those parts of me that have been trampled on and damaged. I'm not limping anymore. :)

Okay, I'm sure there will still be days, weeks even maybe when I feel crushed under the load of abuse and reaping the effects of the accumulation of past years, but I am well on the path to healing and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's a good feeling.

So, what are my plans for 2011? Continue healing, break free of the things I need to shed, and move forward with my life. Tangibly? I got a membership at the YMCA & I intend to use it! :) I'm gonna work my business and make it happen for me. I'm going to play with my children, I'm going to dance and sing. And, somewhere along that journey, I'm going to share my story. I'm going to speak out and no longer remain silent. I'm going to let God lead me, I'm going to immerse myself in Him and His Word and open my heart to the possibilities.

Happy New Year! May it be a blessed one for all of us!

Thursday, December 30, 2010


My journey is not your journey. Many times, our journeys may lie on a parallel course, and this is great, that we can share and learn from each other, but we must always remember that no matter how many similarities there are, there are always differences, no matter how subtle they may be. When we fall into the trap of thinking "I know exactly what you are going through" we fall into the dangerous ground of setting ourselves up for judgment of that other person. The reality is that we can have a very good idea of what that person is going through, without a 100% understanding.

My friend, T, and I have been sharing our journeys very closely for the past year. We walk at different places many times, but always it strengthens us and encourages us that the road ahead is still passable, that we are still walking in the path God has set before us, no matter how many others seem to think that we are not.

It is my friend who is on my mind tonight, because as I ponder our life story and compare it to a journey, T makes me think of a journey where one foot is on a smooth, easy path, but the other is on a rocky, dangerous slope. Ironically, it is the smooth path that is scary. See, T has been walking on the rocky, dangerous slope for a long time and as T begins to break free and is choosing to find a smoother way, it's hard to leave that rocky edge behind. The smooth path goes too quickly, too smoothly, too easily. There must be something wrong with something that comes to you without a huge flaw in it.

The reality is that God is showing T a new pathway. Sadly, Satan, the enemy, is attempting to throw all kinds of obstacles in that pathway. Family, friends, church members, our own thoughts and past experiences all combine to make us doubt that what we are experiencing is truly God's blessing. I'm learning that God's blessings come in all different shapes and sizes. That they look differently for each one of us, just like our journey looks different.

Some people look at me and they think they know what is happening in my life. All too often, they don't ask me, they just assume and judge me for what they think is going on. Often what is going on is totally different from their assumptions. It hurts that people don't stop to ask, to get to know me, how I'm feeling or what I'm going through free from preconceived ideas, innuendo, lies and assumptions. T feels the same way. I imagine that most of us do. For me, for T, it's amplified right now, it feels like our lives, for whatever reason, are under a microscope. My decisions have not found favour with a great many people, but I have to remember that those people are not living my life. They have not been faced with those same circumstances or they've made different decisions and that's okay. Life isn't easy for any of us.

I have reminded myself many times over the past year as to why I have made the decisions I have and I have been reminded by God that I am walking the path He has chosen for me. That's all I can do. That's all I've been asked to do. Some days I feel that I walk alone, many days I feel all alone. I'm not. That's one of the great blessings is that God has shown me irrevocably that He is always by my side, and He's sent T and others to sustain me in my darkest hours.

I look forward to sharing that journey with you. I look forward to sharing the journey ahead with you also.

God bless you!