Friday, July 22, 2011

I feel like I'm drowning.

There is no other way to put it lately. I'm drowning in all the things I am failing at. I'm not failing at everything, and I'm not really failing at the things I feel like I'm failing in (does that make sense?) but I feel like I'm drowning, like everything I touch or grab a hold of to keep me above water just sinks with me. I feel overwhelmed, and the undercurrents are dragging me downstream towards a great big waterfall that I will never even reach the bottom of, let alone be able to survive it.

God is sustaining me. I know that. I'm not truly drowning, in fact, I'm probably even making progress upstream, or might even have my head on dry ground and only my body is lying in the water trying to float away with me.

God is teaching me about perspective.  I wish He'd just rescue me, pick me up, brush me off, kiss my boo boos and make everything ok. I guess even if that were possible, if my leg is broken, it has to heal. If my spirit is broken, same thing. Healing takes time and it's painful. He has the power to heal me, but what if there is a lesson I or someone else needs to learn? Miracles happen daily, but not to everyone. He knows what's best for me.

I'm just tired. I don't feel good. I'm worn out, stressed, anxious, depressed, worried, overwhelmed and lacking in resources to do what needs to be done let alone what I want to do.

Thank you God for my good friends. The ones who cry with me, dance with me, share with me and love me no matter what. Thank you for sustaining me. Give me patience today to run a good race, to be patient, loving and kind. Help me to dance again, no matter what!

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