Infected

Sometimes, when you aren't able to wash the dishes immediately, you can rinse them off and leave them in the sink for when you can get to them. I was contemplating this the other day. I realized that if you leave them too long they begin to stink and eventually the residual food will even mold.

Wounds are like that also. If we rinse off the blood, wash out the dirt, but miss even the smallest speck a wound can become infected, or if you don't fully clean out the infection before moving on, the infection can come back with a vengeance, wreaking havoc on your health.

Emotionally this theory remains the same. See, if we deal with almost all of the pain of our past, if we move on before we have fully healed, fully faced the trauma's, abuses and woundings of our life, those wounds can become infected. They can remain slightly unhealed, left open, so when someone else comes along to repeat or imitate the original injury, it doesn't take much to split it wide open.

I've spent many years in counseling, attended support groups, conferences and read many self-help books in my journey to healing. However, as I work towards healing in the falling apart of my marriage, in facing the domestic violence that brought down our relationship, I am discovering that there are unhealed wounds in my past. This has amplified my anxiety and pain, a snowball effect, as it were. I'm not going to be afraid of the process this time.

I have realized that if I do not face the pain, the horrible facts and realities of the abuses in my history, that I cannot heal fully. There are relationships back there, childhood, college, and even now that I need to heal from. I need to heal before I can fully discover my passions, my interests, my joys and be a blessing to others, to help others heal from their journeys.

I'm tired of stinking. I'm tired of my emotions becoming moldy, my wounds being infected and my heart being ripped open every other day.

I'm fortunate though. I have a God who is dancing with me. Teaching me to let Him lead the dance, instead of me trying to hold onto control of it. I'm not good with staying in control of my life. I make wrong decisions, take the wrong path, force dreams not ready to be fulfilled, fall down and more. The more He dances with me, the more I realize that I need to let go, I need to let Him lead so that our dance is beautiful, joyful and productive.

I'm grateful He is my dance partner, that He never gives up on teaching me and leading me. I'm beginning to look forward to the journey.