I have always wanted a hero. The heroes of my dreams have changed through the years, but a constant remains in that I want a hero. I want someone to come into my life, really see me and come to my rescue, saving me from the pains, failures and enemies that surround me. Someone to take care of me.
Recently God called me to account on my desire for a hero, for that person who will sweep into my life and take care of all my problems and hurts. He showed me that I have made an idol of seeking someone to, well essentially, to heal me. The reality is that I have such a hero.
Jesus came into my life many years ago and there have been so many times when I look back that He has rescued me, protected me, healed me, saved me. All those things I desire, those things I look for. I guess I keep looking for Jesus with skin on, but I keep forgetting that those times I need someone with skin on, He sends them to me. It may not be exactly what I think I need, but it is most definitely what I actually need.
It has come home even more clearly in the past few months that Jesus is my hero. There are days when I still want someone else to step in and take care of me, to be the buffer between me and the nasty parts of life, but I'm remembering to turn them over to God because He truly is the only one who can handle it properly. He has never failed me, never forsaken me, He has shown His hand to me and guided me, He has clearly shown His protection of me on a minimum of two occasions.
Why do I keep doubting Him? Why do I desire for more than He gives me? Why is my faith lacking?
When I trust that I am walking in the path He has set before me, I am confident, secure and alive. When I begin to doubt I become fearful, feeling trapped and alone. I need to trust and obey. I need to keep walking even when I stumble, even when others try to dissuade me or question whether I am truly listening to God's Words. There will be people who mean well and may even be God's servants who will think I cannot be listening to the Holy Spirit because of the choices I am making.
The reality is that I have to follow God's leading, not man's. The reality is that I know I am listening and obeying. That should be enough. I need to stop listening to people, stop caring so much of what they think of me. When I look only to God, I see the path clearly before me and I am not alone. Many have affirmed that I am following God, many have affirmed the message He sent and the path He is leading me on.
That is enough for me. I choose life (Deuteronomy 30:11-20). I choose to continue following where God leads me. The path may be rocky and uphill, but my hand is in His. He has the strength to get me up the mountain, He has the strength to carry me if that is what I need. God is my hero. There is no other, there can be no other. Should He decide to send a helper with skin on, well... as long as God is sending him, I'll be grateful for the gift.