I realized this evening that I am living in my fear. There have been things happening in my life lately that I have no control over... that's normal, typical and just generally true of all of us. There are some things in life that we just plain have no control over. I'm okay with that.... until it starts to hurt my boys and threatens me.
I won't go into full details, but suffice to say that my ex has been playing some nasty tricks, accusing me of things and even going so far as to try to take the boys away from me. I'm afraid that one of these days he's going to come up with something, and somebody is going to believe him enough. As a result, I'm desperately trying to be perfect. I'm desperately trying to do nothing wrong, to appear as if my world is completely under my control.
My world feels so far out of my control... and I know that every time I try to take control of my world, I fall apart. I fail. I am completely incapable of being in control of my world. I much prefer to let God be in control of my world. Life runs so much smoother when I just let Him guide it.
I know this fear will pass, and identifying it will help it pass that much sooner. God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of Power and a strong mind. So, I'm claiming that promise! I refuse to live in fear.
I have noticed that when I live in fear, I often act in anger. I become more concerned with how others see me than I am with reality. I worry about being condemned, about being criticized, about being labelled ... you get the idea. When I lean and focus on God, I can remember that I don't have to be perfect. God loves me just the way I am. He's not condemning me... Jesus said "I came not into the world to condemn the world but that the world through Me might be saved." His goal, His purpose, His mission is to save me - even from myself. From the lies that have been spoken, that are being spoken and that will be spoken... about me and to me... from other people and from Satan.
Yep. There are things I need to work on... things that I can do better at... but being in control. I am returning that responsibility to God... He's much better at it than I am anyway!
Tonight... I'll dance knowing that He's in the lead... AND He's choosing the music!