Today I discovered something about myself. I'm partaking in a course called "Prisms", my son is in the companion course and it has been beneficial to our whole family.
Our chapter today was about hurt and anger. Emotions that are common in life, and especially in the situation we find ourselves in now. In preparing for the evening, I discovered something about me that I never knew before. I never even considered was possible. It's funny, really.
Ever since I was a teenager, I have worried about how I handle anger. It has always scared me, whether it comes from me or someone else, it is not something that I am comfortable with. Let's face it, I grew up in a home where anger was dangerous. It brought injury when coming from others, it triggered injury when coming from myself. So, I always thought that I had a problem with anger.
What I realized today is that I don't. The reality is that I have learned very effective ways of dealing with anger, especially my anger. I don't explode, I don't cause injury to myself or others. I prefer to step aside, calm down and return in a more reasonable frame of mind. I've often felt bad for yelling at my children, yet today I realized that when I yell at them (when they deserve it), I teach them that it is okay, and safe, to express anger by yelling. I'd rather they learn to yell it out than hit it out. I have found safe and effective methods to teach them about expressing their own anger, and I am doing that, and they are learning it.
My realization today, my "wow" moment for February 15, is that the fear of anger that I have had for so many years has enabled me to learn healthy ways of expressing anger. I can move past it. I can move on. I can set that worry aside and focus on areas that actually do need my attention and work.
Wow. God is so good to have shown me this. Doesn't mean that I can fully relax, I need to continue healthy anger expression. I probably need to continue working on receiving anger from others, but my greatest fear of anger has been shown to be false tonight. It's delightful and freeing!
God bless you!