“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
It is so hard for me to receive. The reality is that often when I ask, I do not receive, speaking in a strictly worldly sense. I gave up asking for the longest time. Seriously, would you bother if the answer was usually "no"?
I'm not out to garner pity, please don't get me wrong, mostly I'm just thinking through the issue, the situation and the problem hoping to come to a conclusion for myself.
I had to ask for help from my dad recently. I'll be honest and say I'm not used to asking him for help. I'm used to being independent, to doing it all on my own. I feel I should not have to be relying on my parents to bail me out of trouble anymore, I should be standing on my own two feet, I should be self-sufficient, needing nothing, I should have strong enough faith that God will care for my needs. I shouldn't need anything. That's a lot of "shouldn'ts"
I guess that is the crux. I don't want to need anything from anyone. I have often felt I am in the way and don't deserve special treatment, that my needs are unimportant. I feel my needs are less important than others needs.
Jesus tells me to ask and I will receive, but what if I don't? What if I ask Him for things and He says "no"? What if He, like most others, let me down? What if He shows me that though He says He cares, He really doesn't? What if I am greedy, lazy, wanting something for nothing, wasteful, selfish...? What if I don't deserve any good thing?
There's a lot of rejection hanging on my asking. There's a lot of pain waiting to drop down on me. I don't know that I can handle anymore?
My dad said yes and he gave me heck for not asking sooner. It made me think of God. How often He wants to give me good things, but I don't ask. Does He get frustrated with me because I don't ask for what I want/need? Is He chomping at the bit, waiting for me to ask for help?
The verses above tell me that He is, that He wants to give me even greater things than my parents can. I working up the courage to ask Him, no, I'm going to start making it a practice. I know He hears me, I need to have faith that my dancing is enough for Him, that He desires to give me good things.
Is this the time to stop dancing for a while and spend some time kneeling? I am not totally sure, but I'm thinking it's just a different way to dance.