All my life, it seems, I have yearned for a hero. I've wanted someone to step up and save me. Today I considered this desire and I realized that it is strongest when I feel weak. I have concluded that I am not yearning so much for a hero to swoop in and save me from my life, I am yearning for someone to step up and be someone I can rely on, someone I can trust.
There has never been anyone there for me. When I needed to be strong, I needed to be strong, there was no one to take the weight off my shoulders. When things went wrong in life, as they are wont to do, I have always felt like I had to shoulder it alone, like if I don't stand strong and firm things will fall apart. I feel like I will fall apart if I don't "stay strong" because there will be no one to catch me if I fall.
It's the same when I am physically unwell. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, never stopping because I fear that if I stop I might not start moving again.
Is it okay to take a break from the dance? Is my stamina enough or am I going to break down trying to keep the dance going? Do I have enough faith to believe that God will carry me through despite my weakness? I am 100% certain that He can and will sustain me, is it weakness, lack of faith or wrong to want more?
I'm going to keep at the dance, I'm going to let Him lead me to rest. Here's praying I don't collapse under the steps ahead.